Big should -I should exercise. Bigger should – I should lose weight. I should make more money.
My favorite should – I should be happier. Shoulds can feel heavier than the pounds on your scale and can zap your energy. On the other hand wants give you energy and can be your life’s sweet spot. If you spend most of your day busy and taking care of others, do you really think you will have the energy or time to lose weight? Or if you spend all of your energy on your current job and you think you SHOULD work on finding a new job with more life balance in the evening when you completely exhausted, do you really think it will happen? If you are unhappy with your job and think you SHOULD do something else, you will not make progress until you want to in your heart.
Shoulds versus Wants
- Based on things you think you ought to want
- Based on shame, duty or guilt and are dead goals
- Externally prompted (your ego, spouse, boss, parent, society)
- Based on things you think are important to you and fulfilling
- Based on who you are and are full of life
- Internally prompted (your values)
How to start? Use the four areas of life like my client Cathy to create your wants for 2012.
- Family: I want balance. I want time with each family member.
- Self –Care: I want to get my body under control. I want to eat more fruits and veggies, get my endurance back and get off my blood pressure medication.
- Career: By summer I want to open my own office two days a week.
- Spirituality: I want my “head” a church. I want to concentrate on God when I am in church and not be “busy” worrying about what I am not doing.
This year choose your resolutions because you WANT TO, not because you SHOULD. Remember these are your resolutions… your relationship with you and who you are and what you WANT to be are at the heart of a joyful, balanced and purposeful life.
The life that just makes you WANT to jump out of bed in the morning. So get out that paper and start to create your wants that reflects your values, your deepest joys and the real you. If not this year…when? When will be the time for you to fall in love with your life?
Better get busy you only have one life to live. Imagine if it was one you loved.